The Ultimate Filler
by Thorn In Your Side
Summary: For nearly two years, Sasuke, Orochimaru, and Kabuto lived together. Who cooked and cleaned for them? Inoue Hiroku. Who looked after them and gave them massages? Inoue Hiroku. What became of this woman? Well, isn’t that a tale to tell…
1. Chapter 1

The Ultimate Filler

**The Ultimate Filler **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto! Or like…anything else. TT**

_**Summary: For nearly two years, Sasuke, Orochimaru, and Kabuto lived together. Who cooked and cleaned for them? Inoue Hiroku. Who looked after them and gave them massages? Inoue Hiroku. What became of this woman? Well, isn't that a tale to tell…**_

**A/N: Some of you may recognize Hiroku from my other story, Emo Farm. Yes, she's the self same OC, with a few appearance tweaks. For all you new comers, fear not, you don't need to read Emo Farm to get to know her. **

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She approached the Uchiha brazenly, unafraid of him or his power of his almighty, overrated sharingan.

"Hi!" she said.

Sasuke regarded her coldly. He couldn't detect any remarkable chakra to speak of—she wasn't a shinobi. Just another village bumpkin wanting to flirt, then. He turned away. A hand on his shoulder caused him to clench his muscles.

"Take me home."

He wheeled around to kill her, or at least severely maim the twit, but stopped in surprise as she laughed. "That sounded wrong! I'm sorry, I mean, take me Oro-chan. I know you're his apprentice, I've watched you train."

"Why would I do that?"

"Because I asked nicely, and it would annoy Kabuto-san."

He supposed he should be wary—she knew their names, she'd seen them train, to believe her claim. But the idea of this chakra-less girl doing him harm was beyond ludicrous.

Besides, it did annoy Kabuto when he brought vagabonds home, demanding they be fed…which he'd been doing less and less of late, he realized…and wait…she's called Orochimaru _**Oro-chan**_. Even Sasuke knew better. So if she wasn't entertaining, she'd be gotten rid of.

He let a faint smirk creep across his lips, the kind that turned kunoichi hearts into warm puddles of goo.

She beamed back at him with the brilliance of a hundred stars.

"Okay, let's go."

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Kabuto stared at the girl sitting across him. She had slate colored eyes, and dark green hair bound in a thick braid, ending past her thigh.

"Sasuke-kun…" he said slowly, "What am I supposed to do with this creature?"

"I'unno," Sasuke shrugged.

Kabuto sighed. "What do you want, girl?"

"I want to stay here. Earn my livelihood."

Even Sasuke looked taken aback.

"What kind of shinobi are you?" Kabuto asked, knowing perfectly well that she wasn't one.

"I'm not. Not a shinobi, jinchuuriki, assassin, stalker, spy or any kind. I am a runaway concubine of the Emperor, but rest assured that there is no one following me. I have no special talents, unless you count the fact that I can arrange flowers in any manner you like."

Kabuto sighed again. "Then we have no use for you here. Get lost, please."

"That doesn't mean I'm not useful," she protested, "I can cook, I can clean, I was not always a palace lady! Who cooks for you? Who does your laundry? I can do the menial chores!"

Tempting though it was, the medic boy genius didn't let her stay. She was unceremoniously thrown out. Sasuke gave a 'well-I-wasn't-really-expecting-anything-else' kind of shrug and went back to his room. Kabuto went back to his work. Orochimaru remained blissfully unaware that there lived a being who called him 'Oro-chan'.

Outside the snake's den, the girl curled up and waited.

Three days later, Orochimaru walked out with his apprentice and doctor…

"Oro-chan!!" he looked down, stunned. A very dusty little girl was hugging his midriff tightly, her face barely making it far enough north from his crotch to not be indecent.

He looked back to Kabuto for an explanation. Sasuke seemed to be stifling a smile.

"She…we kicked her out three days ago, Orochimaru-sama, I did not know she was out here."

"She knows about us," Sasuke said. No doubt, he was definitely smothering a smirk. The legendary Sannin remembered why. The girl had called him _**Oro-chan**_.

"What do you want?" he asked her. She stood up, and he realized she'd been kneeling, so really she wasn't a little girl, perhaps a few years older than Sasuke?

"I wanted to live here, and earn my living, but Kabuto-san threw me out," she said mournfully with the air of a two year old that's had her ice cream snatched away, "And I was so careful to watch my words! Oh let me stay, please, I'll try my hardest to be useful and not get in your way!"

"She has no special abilities," Kabuto began, but Orochimaru silenced him with a glance.

"That she was out here for any length of time without attracting attention is itself a special ability. She may be a useful spy. If not, she can at least be a maid, or do you enjoy doing our laundry so much that you don't wish to share the responsibility?"

Kabuto flushed. Orochimaru turned back to the girl.

"What is your name?"

"Inoue Hiroku!"

"You may be bedded by us," he warned, "And by us, I mean me. Sasuke's far too caught up in his desire for revenge, and Kabuto's too much of a prude." She shrugged nonchalantly. "It's my body, not my soul."

He laughed. "Kabuto, stay back today. Delegate her chores to her. Give her a room." He placed a pale finger on her sickly grey cheek, and grey eyes met golden ones. "You're nothing special," he decided, "But you will do."

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She didn't shut up. Kabuto was ready to gauge out his own liver and stuff it in her mouth as a gag. God, what was she _**talking**_ about? He didn't even pretend to listen, but the uneven nuances of her voice did not escape his ears.

"And this is your room," he showed her. She paused in her chatter to scan the room.

"Alright! Now, I'll start my duties as a member of the Oro-chan clan!" she said delightedly, punching the air. Kabuto rolled his eyes and pushed his glasses up his nose.

"Lead the way to the kitchen then, let's see if you remember," he instructed. With generous hints from the spectacled boy, they made it to the culinary space.

"Wash the dishes and prepare lunch," he commanded, "I will watch." He brought out some paper and started scribbling as she attacked the dirty utensils with all the youthfulness Maito Gai claimed to possess.

Kabuto blinked and looked up when his brain registered despairingly that she was _**still**_ talking, and that something smelled hella good.

"Yakisoba!" she declared proudly, setting a bowl of the deep fried Chinese noodles in front of him.

"I can see that," Kabuto said wryly, picking up his chopsticks. She waited expectantly.

"What?"

Hiroku frowned. "How is it?" she prompted.

"Oh. Um…okay, I guess."

Looking a little disappointed, she turned to the door.

"Where are you going?" he called, grabbing up his things to follow her.

"The room with the laundry," she answered, "It's okay, you can eat, I'll find it."

"Uh, no," he said, "I go with you. We don't trust you yet, obviously, and I don't think you'll ever find the place without help."

So she picked up his bowl and they walked to the laundry room where Kabuto ate and worked and occasionally listened to her never-ceasing words as she washed the clothes with an oppressive sort of cheer.

Sasuke and Orochimaru came back towards late afternoon, by which time Kabuto had developed a detached sort of liking towards Hiroku. No matter how unlikely, she was just one of those people you couldn't help but tolerate.

The master-apprentice duo ate their meal without comment, though the greenette bounced on the balls of her feet with barely contained energy. Sasuke noted that in her simple orange kimono, with that green hair, she looked remarkably like a carrot.

As they left again to train, however, the question burst out of her. "How was it?"

Orochimaru paused. He turned to her, gold eyes meeting gray once more, and conceded, "Better than the monotony of rice."

Hiroku beamed as though she'd been appointed Supreme Pontiff Over All Things Living and Dead.

They returned a few hours later, Orochimaru in a foul mood, Sasuke bruised all over. Kabuto knew the training had gone badly; he stayed well out their way. But before Orochimaru could storm into his quarters, before Kabuto could flee to his lab, before Sasuke could throw a class-A teen tantrum in his room, Hiroku marched to the Uchiha, a broad grin on her face.

"Would Sasuke-kun like a massage?"

Orochimaru halted. Kabuto held his breath. Sasuke lifted weary, bloodshot eyes to her sparkling gray ones.

And nodded once.

She followed him to his rooms, where she stripped him (preserving his dignity by offering him a towel at the last moment). He slipped off his underwear, wrapped the towel around his waist, and belly flopped onto his divan.

She sat astride his buttocks, her large hands kneading his back, rolling her thumbs deep into his muscles to clear up knots, proceeding with a mother's tenderness around a bruise. She spent the better part of thirty minutes on his shoulders alone, working obstinately until he grudgingly relaxed them. She avoided the curse seal, and when she started on his neck he gave an involuntary twitch. Hiroku stopped, and started again after a brief pause, gently.

Slowly, surely, the pain began to numb and recede from Sasuke's back, retreating to his throbbing calves and feet. Hiroku scooted backwards until she was off his body, poising herself at the edge of the divan, his feet at her knees. She rubbed his arches and soothed his toes and softened his heels. She worked on his calves until the pain fled almost completely. When he began to drift off into a blissfully dreamless sleep, she slipped out of his room. Luckily, she'd made dinner before they'd returned.

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"What's her story?" Orochimaru asked his trusted assistant. Kabuto frowned, surprised that he knew. He _**knew**_ her story…apparently he'd been listening to her rather more than he'd intended.

"She's a runaway concubine. Born in the town of Naruto, she was raised as a baker's granddaughter for seven years before she was taken away by the emperor's men. The emperor liked her eyes and her hair, so he kept her. She wasn't a favorite of his, but she liked her life, she had many friends of the court—not least of which were her fellow concubines. However, the emperor became less and less enchanted with her. Something happened—his favorite queen spread rumors that Hiroku was sleeping with his prime minister, I think. The emperor was going to have her beheaded, so she faked her death and got away with the help of her friends."

Orochimaru nodded, and then shot a look towards the door. "You're trying to hide?" he laughed. Hiroku slunk in, a sheepish grin on her face. "My bad?" she chuckled nervously.

Kabuto shook his head and made a vague gesture. She served them food; they ate and left. She rinsed the dishes so that they wouldn't go crusty, and found her room by sheer luck. She was asleep before she crawled into bed, glowing warmth surrounding her heart, the happiness of having earned her life today, having served instead of being served.

Inoue Hiroku, the Emperor's runaway concubine, dreamt happy dreams that night.

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

**My favorite OC, Hiroku is. She's just awesome. –cuddles up to her- Hiroku! Don't worry, Sasuke/Orochimaru/Kabuto fans, she won't fall in love with them. There will be sex…I can't resist, but there won't be lemons (sorry for the disappointment) but I assure you, Orochimaru will remain delightfully wicked. There will be no 'reformed by love' nonsense here. –nods approvingly- **


	2. Chapter 2

The Ultimate Filler

**The Ultimate Filler **

**Disclaimer: Nope, don't own Naruto. Un! **

**Um, right, so whatever I know about kimono, I learnt from the book "Memoirs of a Geisha", so feel free to correct/curse me for my mistakes. **

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

Orochimaru growled. He'd been lying on her body, his lips nibbling at her ears, trying to get her to respond in her sleep. But it was useless. He heaved himself off Hiroku, replaced her braid so it hugged her back, and poked her cheek. She didn't stir. He shook her shoulder roughly, and her eyes fluttered open.

"Sorry, I'm really sorry, we're all out of ramen…" she mumbled. Her eyes latched onto Orochimaru's face. "Oh, hello Oro-chan."

He smiled a very fake, seductive smile, and bent down to her. His tongue traced the contour of her sleep glazed eye and the childish, pinchable curve of her cheek. She shivered. "Oh, _**hello**_, Oro-chan…"

He grinned, genuinely, wickedly.

She writhed under him in a perfect, rhythmic way, responding to his touch without over reacting. He kissed her neck, his favorite spot in females, he kissed, sucked, bit and licked her raw until she was begging for him. He picked up her legs and nearly fucked her through the thin tatami mattress.

He got up once his breathing was back to a normal-ish rate, slipping on his robe as she retied her obi-jime.

"Oro-chan," she began, and he stopped to listen for the usual post-sex response he got. 'Best ever' was a popular one, but maybe he'd been tender enough to confuse an 'I love you' from her?

"My ass hurts. My legs can barely hold me up…can you tie my obi for me?"

He chuckled to himself as he complied. She would do just fine.

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Hiroku sat in the hallway, legs crossed, her long wet tresses swinging forth as she dried them with a cotton towel. Towel, comb, towel, comb. It was a nightmare at best, taking care of hair so thick and long.

"That looks like it would take forever," Kabuto opined, taking a turn into the hallway. She peered up towards him, nodding sadly. "I have to keep combing or you wouldn't _**believe**_ how tangled it gets. Take me another hour at least to finish."  
He frowned. "Breakfast?"

"Already made it, it's waiting in the kitchen," Hiroku said proudly, "I found my way there this morning. But then I got lost on my way back so I took a bath in the first room I could find."

He sighed. "I should talk to sempai-sama about putting up some signs for you. You can read, right?"

Hiroku nodded. "Of course, I was a concubine, not a peasant."

"Let me help," he said on a whim. She looked surprised. "Can you take care of hair?"

The medic shrugged. "I've perfected the most difficult medical ninjutsu. I could kick Sasuke-kun's ass for at least a half hour before he killed me if I took him by surprise. I am an accomplished spy. How hard could drying hair _**be**_?"

She still had a shadow of a doubt on her face but handed him the lacquered black comb, delicate as a spider web, decorated with silver threads across its top, its teeth fine points of ebony.

"Very delicately now," she warned. Kabuto was already kicking himself, what if he broke the comb? It just seemed so…flimsy!

The minute he touched the comb to her dark tresses, it appeared, she jerked away.

"No, no, not that way! You'll rip out my hair! Here, dry me, I'll comb."

Well that would be easier. He'd dried his own hair before, hadn't he? But no—he was doing this wrong too.

"Kabuto-sannnnn," she huffed, "You are a man. Don't treat my hair like you would yours, it'll become all rough and dry!"

He gave up and rose, only to find Sasuke watching, something like amusement flitting in his eyes. "And here I thought you couldn't be more of a pansy."

Kabuto snatched up his papers and fled.

Hiroku gazed reprovingly at the Uchiha. "Sasuke-kun can be quite mean if he wishes, no?"

Red eyes flashed annoyance at her. "You took a bath in my room. The place was all steamy when I awoke. Did you spend the night with me?"

"No," she said, and explained about getting lost.

"Hmmm. I should talk to Orochimaru about putting up some signs for you. You can read, right?"

"Yes," she replied, irritated, "I was a concubine, not a peasant."  
He ignored her and moved past. That noon, Orochimaru came to her with a large bundle of cards, some ink, and kanji stencils.

"Write all the places you can think of you would need to go," he instructed, "Make milestones, like kitchen 20 meters away, and so on. Give them to Kabuto when you're done; he'll put them up for you."

"Thank you, Oro-chan," she said, bowing elegantly. Orochimaru made a tutting noise.

"How did you know about us?"

She grinned. "When I came to this town, I was nearly broke, and completely tired of traveling. I was looking for someone to work for, but finding no one, I left…then I saw you and Kabuto-san training one day, a few miles north of here. You were strong. I could trust you to keep me safe, if I was on your side. Kabuto-san seemed kind. I came back to the village, assuming you lived there. I saw Kabuto-san again, buying fish, and I followed him back to the hideout. I observed for a few days and approached Sasuke-kun because he seemed the most likely to let me in."

Orochimaru laughed. "A clever one after all, or is it the famous woman's intuition? Either way, I have to teach Sasuke a new jutsu, so I'll be leaving. Take care."

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Sasuke frowned at his breakfast, as though something about it had offended him personally. Hiroku noticed. "Sasuke-kun does not like his meal?" she asked.

"Sasuke-kun has noticed that you have been wearing the same kimono since you got here," he replied tartly. She shrugged. "I have nothing else to wear. I sold all my other kimono for food and travel fare."

Sasuke made a noise that suggested that this conversation was below him and glanced expectantly at Kabuto, who sighed. That kid.

"What Sasuke-kun means is, what will you wear when you wash this one?"

She thought about it. "I will wash the outer robe first, while wearing my obi over my obi-jime, and then I will was the obi and obi-jime wearing the outer robe. Clever, no?"

Orochimaru blanched at the thought of a half naked Hiroku walking the halls. Good grief, who'd ever get any work done? A woman needn't be a beauty to distract men.

"Kabuto," he said, "Take her out today and buy some kimono."

The medic nin scowled. "I don't think so, Orochimaru-sama. With all due respect, you promised to train me today. You've only been teaching Sasuke-kun lately, but I must learn too."  
The Sannin rolled his eyes. "Very well. Sasuke-kun, you may take her out."

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"Oh, Sasuke-kun!" Hiroku gasped, handing onto his arm, "They're _**beautiful**_! Which should I buy?"

Sasuke shrugged noncommittally, but she wasn't paying attention to him. She'd explained before they'd left that she was going into bargaining mode, whatever that was. He was the accessory, the bill-payer, the shrugger. He was most definitely not in charge.

Hiroku haggled back and forth with the shop manager, occasionally making loud and girlish exclamations over the price of a kimono and whether it shouldn't cost much less. Sasuke tuned her out.

Hiroku nudged him. "Pay," she hissed.

He obliged and walked back, shaking her off his arm and leaving her with the packages. Sasuke made it to the edge of the village before he turned around, waiting for Hiroku.

…waiting for Hiroku…

…waiting…

A tiny crease appeared at the bridge of his nose, just about enough to count as a frown.

"Stupid girl. Women are so pathetically useless, she got lost trying to follow!" he harrumphed. "Well, it's her own problem, she'll find her way back to the den."

But while he was at the village, he might as well take advantage of it. Sasuke headed for the nearest dango stand, near a Buddhist shrine.

As he passed an alley, a movement caught his attention. No, not a movement—a color. A familiar, _**orange **_color.

A muffled shriek reached his ears, and he exhaled impatiently. She'd probably been mugged or her new kimono. Sasuke strode into the alley, and paused.

Hiroku was there, yes, but the outer robe of the painfully orange kimono was not on her, nor was her lime green obi. Two men pinned her hands and legs against a wall while a drag queen was dressed loosely in her clothes, hooting as a fourth man fumbled with the obstinate strings of her obi-jime, his left hand clamped over her mouth. Hiroku struggled fiercely, screeching all the while. Her raincloud eyes connected with Sasuke's onyx ones, ad she went limp with relief.

The drag queen caught sight of the Uchiha ad whipped out a rusty knife. "Back, boy," he snarled, "Or I'll carve you to pieces."

"Wait a minute," another hissed, "That's _**that **_boy! He beat up the boss!"  
Obsidian irises changed to ruby. Four kunai appeared in Sasuke's hands and he flicked them casually. Each found its mark in a hand or foot and, shrieking with pain, the would-be molesters fled.

Hiroku let out her breath sharply in awe. "Uwah, Sasuke-kun, so cool! You're so strong!"

He glanced askance at her as she slipped on her obi and gathered her kimono. "You think that was strength?" he scoffed, "That to me is what crushing an ant is like to you. Absolutely nothing. I am an Uchiha the best of the best. We are geniuses. Even the world's best fighter would barely pass as average before the might of our sharingan.

Hiroku's face burst into a smile. "Oh, you, with your almighty Uchiha-ness! You think carrying that name makes you royal, don't you?"

He turned the full power of his sharingan illusion on her, and she fell down in a heap.  
"Manly of you," she spat, "To use such power against me when I'm nothing but a civilian! You and your sharingan can go chase yourselves. You wouldn't last a minute against the rin'nengan! What? You don't know about it? Surprised that I do? I told you before, Sasuke, I was a concubine, not a peasant. I am educated." She rose, shaking, and stormed away.

Sasuke stared after her, furious.

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"I want her out," he yelled, bursting into Orochimaru's quarters, The legendary Sannin looked up from his desk. "Who are you talking about?"

"How many 'hers' are living in this den?" Sasuke snarled in his face. Kabuto had had enough of the brat treating his master like that. He made a seal and cast a restraining jutsu on the boy. Sasuke yelped in surprise.

"Kabuto!" Orochimaru warned. Kabuto looked at the hermit, frustrated. "But he—"  
"He is my student. I will deal with him."

Kabuto reluctantly released the jutsu. Sasuke's eyes flashed red as he ran for the other boy, but Orochimaru shot out a hand to halt him, fingers winding around his neck.

"We took you in because I need you. You came to us because you need me. It's a mutual feeling of necessity. Did we not agree that I would teach you as your _**master**_, and you would learn as my _**student **_and you would gain power in exchange for your body? I don't know what they're like in Konoha nowadays, but in Otogakure, you respect your master. This is not the way a student behaves with his master. Yet, I will put up with insolence but not violence on your part towards Kabuto. Now, about the girl. I heard what happened. And you know, if it bothered you that much why didn't you kill her? Or even harm her in any way? You are still too soft. Had I let you attack Kabuto, you still would have not killed him. Besides, the girl had a point. Being an Uchiha is not the best. I could kill you now if I wished, could I not? Power is not something that is transferred with blood, though sometimes that helps. If being born an Uchiha made you all powerful, you would not seek my help to kill Itachi. Now, I'll let you down and you go back to being the sweet, cold hearted bastard we all know and love, alright?"

Sasuke dropped to the ground, teeth gritted in shame. Kabuto almost felt sorry for him—almost. Orochimaru returned to his work. Sasuke returned to his rooms.

Later, the Sannin cornered Hiroku in the kitchen.

"The boy is still upset. You humiliated him."

She looked up from chopping onions. "Oro-chan, it is his fault. He needs to learn his place, he needs to recognize that the world does not revolve around him. Has it not occurred to you that he may turn on you one day with his Uchiha arrogance? Stupid tunnel visioned bastard."

"He's already done so. I've already proved to him that I am more powerful than his Uchiha blood. Now go apologize."

She whined, objecting.

"He helped you when he honestly couldn't have cared less. He spared your life when you embarrassed him. Do you think it's easy on him? Do not make me repeat myself, I take enough impertinence from one brat and besides, he is still above you in rank. He's my apprentice, and you're just a maid. While I am still breathing, you will obey me!"

Hiroku pouted, but left for the teen's room nonetheless. Kabuto stopped her on her way, pressing a tiny parcel of something into her hand. "Fresh tomatoes. His favorite food," he whispered, his breath tickling her ear. She thanked him and walked into Sasuke's room without knocking.

"Get lost." He was on his bed, back to the door and consequently her.

"I brought tomatoes. I'm here to apologize."

"Kabuto gave you tomatoes. You're here because Orochimaru sent you to apologize."

"Yes," she placed the tomatoes on a desk, and approached him, "But I never thanked you for saving me and my kimono," she said, kissing him on the cheek.

Sasuke turned and pushed her roughly away.

She tutted. "Such a child you are. Anyway, you're right, I am here on Oro-chan's orders. So here it is: I'm sorry Sasuke-kun, I did not mean to insult your clan or your strength. I was only trying to point out that when someone gives you a compliment you should accept it with a smile rather than go on about how it is only a fraction of a decimal of your true potential. Oh, and I'm sorry I called you a tunnel visioned bastard."

He frowned. "You didn't call me a tunnel visioned bastard."

"Not to your face," she admitted.

He glared at her again, invoking the sharingan without meaning to. She placed her hand over her eyes. "Oh, fine, I'm leaving!" she said in a huff, walking out.

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"Kabuto-sannnnn," she whined, "Will you see my new kimono?"

The medic ninja surveyed her sternly. "No."

"But—"

"I said _**no**_."

She 'hmph'ed and turned as if to leave. Then, she whirled back around and fell onto Kabuto, arms encircling his neck in a huggle.

"Kabuto-sannnnn, won't you take just a few minutes off work to see the kimono I bought? Please Kabuto-san please, please, please!?"

"Okay, okay, let go…I can't breathe!" he choked out. She beamed warmly at him as he tenderly rubbed his neck, moaning.

"…this blue one was a real bargain, I got it for almost seven hundred yen less than his asking price!"

Kabuto would never admit it in a million years under the torture of the Thousand Years of Death Technique, but the kimono were pretty. She'd bought four: the peacock blue one she was ranting about now with the thousand eyed birds dancing on it, the obi a rich scarlet with a cherry blossom pattern. There was a black kimono with a golden dragon that curled over it, head at the left shoulder and tail at the right ankle, with a flame colored obi. A sunflower kimono was Kabuto's personal favorite, with a dark green obi in a leafy pattern. Finally there was Hiroku's favorite, a gray kimono the color of her eyes, grandly depicting the city of Osaka during a cloud burst, with an obi of soft black and gold to represent thunder and lightning.

"Yes, yes, they're all very nice," Kabuto said impatiently, "Now go clean the kitchen or something, I've work to do." So she went away, looking a bit put out.

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

**Yay for kimono!**


	3. Chapter 3

The Ultimate Filler

**The Ultimate Filler**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. **_**Seriously.**_

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

"Hiroku! Hiroku! Wake up, dammit!" Sasuke grunted as he rolled her off the tatami mattress.

"Uwah! What…Sasuke-kun? Why are you here? What time is it?" the greenette asked, rubbing at her eyes.

"It's five o' clock. We're training," he said, hauling her to her feet.

"Wha…that's obscenely early! What are _**we**_ training for anyway?" she complained as he steered her outdoors where the moon was still shining brighter than the sun.

"I am training you in self defense. So that we don't have a repeat of what happened at the village. Now that people will associate you with me, they will associate you with Orochimaru. They may use you against us, because you're a woman."

"Hey!" she protested. He rolled his eyes. "Let's call a spade a spade, Hiroku. You're the weakest link."

"There's a nicer way to put it!"

"That _**is**_ my nice way of putting it."

"So why would 'they' think harming me would send the three of you on a raging rampage?" she asked, "I'm just a maid—or do am I that irresistible that you've fallen in love?"

The last bit was sarcastic, but Sasuke ignored it. "No, you could provide information, and we will probably grow attached to you. Kabuto already has. You live with us, you serve us. In time, you will probably serve us _**intimately**_," he said, placing his hands together to indicate his meaning, "We would be obliged to rescue you, as we would be obliged to rescue Kabuto or Orochimaru."

"Oro-chan needs no rescuing from anywhere," she declared pompously, "And aren't you cocky, not including yourself in that list. Are you too good to be kidnapped, Sasuke-kun?"

"They wouldn't go out of their way to save me. I'm just a container. They could get the sharingan, and leave me to die."

"Oh. Well that makes me feel like a jerk. But why are you training me? Do you really have that much free time on your hands or is Oro-chan looking for a breather?"

"I'm training you in defensive taijutsu. Kabuto will teach you medical jutsu and escape-specific jutsu when your body gets stronger. We don't expect you to grow powerful enough to take on even a chuunin, not with those abysmally low chakra levels—no, in case Orochimaru decides to use you as a spy, you need to know how to escape. I'm teaching you to revise my basics before Orochimaru begins teaching me advanced ninjutsu and genjutsu. Besides, Kabuto is really hopeless at taijutsu."

Hiroku nodded, satisfied, but Sasuke kept standing there expectantly. She frowned. "I'm done asking questions."

"You can't train in a kimono."

"Why not?" she puzzled.

"Ever tried a spinning moon kick in a kimono?"

She looked down at herself, lifting and extending a leg experimentally. "I see. But I only have kimono."

The Uchiha sighed and led her back inside to his rooms. He handed her a pair of pants identical to his own, and one of Kabuto's shirts.

"I'm going to look ridiculous," she said despondently. She retreated to the bath area to change, and came back shortly. If Sasuke was so inclined, he would've laughed—she did look ridiculous. Kabuto's shirt barely contained her breasts, and her curves stuck out awkwardly in his pants.

Instead of laughing, he averted his eyes and beckoned her to follow him back out.

"At least you don't have to wear the rope," he said, valiantly staving off a grin.

-topside-

"Okay, now…this is a roundhouse kick," he said, demonstrating. His foot halted an inch from her nose, and he tucked it back in and brought it down neatly. She didn't even have time to flinch.

"Sasuke-kun, you're a show-off."

"Yes I am. This is an axe kick," he showed her, bringing his leg vertically up and down.

"Spinning moon kick." He ran a few steps, jumped, and twisted while extending his foot gracefully.

"Now you try," he nodded to her. She looked at her feet, as though doubting whether they were capable of something so unladylike.

"Which one?"

"Let's start with a roundhouse kick," he decided, holding a palm out, "Come on."

She sighed and mimicked his actions in a feeble sort of way. He exhaled impatiently. "No. Try again, but don't suck at it."

Another sigh. Another feeble attempt at a kick. Sasuke caught her ankle and jerked upwards. She squealed as she lost her balance, landing on her posterior.

"I am giving my all for this," he said in a dangerous tone, "You will too. Think of it as a special favor to Orochimaru and Kabuto for letting you stay, think of it as a thank you to me for saving your ass, I don't care. If you don't _**try **_then I will hurt you. Badly."

Something in his voice told her he meant it. Hiroku got up, dusted herself off, and, already sweating in the early morning sun, tried again. This time the front of her foot connected with the teen's waiting palm in a satisfying smack.

"I did it!" she cried. He scoffed to himself. This girl was useless.

"A roundhouse kick will not help you defeat foes," he told her, "You have to learn the other kicks, and punches, and put them together in a dance, and _**then**_ you will begin your true training in defense."

"But, if I am learning defense, why do I need to know attacks?"

"How can you defend if you don't know how you are being attacked?"

They spent another hour at it, perfecting her kicks. She wasn't a very good pupil—slow to latch on, slow to adapt, and despite his threats and shouts, her heart simply wasn't in it. She'd been a palace lady for most of her life, and a village girl before that. What did she know or care about such _**physical **_training?

Sasuke quickly lost his temper.

"Enough! Leave, for now. We'll meet again here at dusk. But _**gods**_, you're awful. I want you to practice those kicks in your free time, okay?" he said. She gave him an innocent look and said "Of course, Sasuke-sensei-kun," in a voice of such oozing fake sincerity that he knew she'd choose to clean out their toilets over practicing.

Damn useless girl.

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Kabuto watched her wince as she maneuvered herself around the counters. Sasuke and Orochimaru had eaten and left to train, but he'd taken to working in the kitchen where something was always readily available to snack on. Today he was studying a scroll from Orochimaru's personal library, about how certain forbidden jutsu _**were**_ forbidden.

"Hiroku," he started to say, "Do I want to know why you have to wince so often?"

"Sasuke-kun began my training this morning," she informed him, scrubbing the last of the dishes, "He's…not very gentle."

Kabuto nodded in understanding. When the Uchiha had first shown up, his strength was so under their standards that it had been the silver haired medic who first trained him, instead of Orochimaru. Even as a student, the boy was downright vicious.

"Pity you can't massage yourself, huh?" he said randomly.

"Yeah, but you can!" she said brightly. He hesitated, unsure of what she meant.

"Please Kabuto-san?" she whined, throwing her arms over him, "Just a shoulder rub so I can work, please, please…"

"Alright!" he cried exasperatedly, "But you have to stop attacking me like that!"

"It's only a hug," she objected, turning around and sliding her kimono a little off her shoulders.

Kabuto ran his fingers over the creamy expanse of her back, feeling the muscles tense, then relax. He gripped her shoulders with four fingers, and used the thumbs to knead her blades, taking care not to apply too much pressure. That flesh would bruise like a plum.

She sighed happily, leaning into him. He paused, uncertain of where this was going, but something in him urged him on, probably the same part of him that had persuaded Orochimaru to take the otherwise docile boy as his protégée. Kabuto slid her kimono farther off her shoulders dropping his hands to pull her obi loose. Her whole body was tensed, primed waiting. He got the feeling hat this wasn't what she'd been looking for, even though she'd started it, but _**that **_part of him pushed it aside, looping his arms around her waist. She sunk into him, and he was surprised at how…_**ready**_ she seemed, how she seemed used to being taken whether she wanted it or not.

He turned her towards him, meaning to ask permission, wanting to see something in her eyes to stop him or encourage him—but she didn't let him, she crushed her lips to his before he could see her face, and he _**knew**_ it was on purpose. But he accepted it readily, his hands pulling at her obi-jime, her hands entwined in his hair.

"We…just had sex…in the kitchen," he said afterwards in a vaguely nauseated way.

"No one knows," she said reasonably.

"But I already do!" he protested.

"Kabuto-san," she huffed, "You really are such a pansy." He laughed.

000000000000000dusk0000000000000000

"I have a range of weapons here that you are most likely to come in contact with," he said the moment she showed up, "Kunai, shuriken, daggers, swords, bolas, slingshots…familiarize yourself with them."

Hiroku knelt delicately at the blanket on the ground. She picked up a kunai and a shuriken. A grin crossed her face as a thought crossed her mind. She put the kunai through the shuriken and held it up for Sasuke to see, not bothering to contain the giggles that poured out of her. it was probably not a good idea to antagonize him too much, but the expression on his face was too funny.

Now _**there**_ was a virgin Hiroku would deflower any day of the week.

"Juvenile," he said, ducking his head so that his hair would cover his blush.

"Surely Sasuke-kun has thought of this before?"

"Juvenile," he repeated, the blush gone, "I said familiarize yourself, not pull childish stunts."

She dropped the weapons ad investigated at the others. There were some sharp rhino horn daggers, but she didn't like those; they seemed too bloodthirsty. The bolas was too painful the kunai and shuriken—too funny! She focused her attention on the leather slingshot, and the pouch of obsidian rocks.

"Uwah, Sasuke-kun! These stones are the color of your eyes!"

He gazed at the opaque objects in her palm. "Try them out," he said.

She frowned. "Meaning?"  
"Don't act stupid. Try them out. Load the sling and shoot one at me."

"But Sasuke-kun—"

"Why is it that you must object to everything that is told to you? Don't you think I am strong enough to protect myself?" he queried in a calm, ominous tone.

Hiroku loaded the sling and shot out a large, chunky rock. Sasuke batted it aside.

"Not bad aim. Better than your taijustu. Come on, again."

She let out two, three, four more stones in quick succession, discovering the joy of being good at something naturally. A sun kissed smile put itself in place on her lips as Sasuke continued to bat aside the missiles.

"Now, throw a kunai."

She almost objected, but caught herself. Hiroku picked up the weapon, and though her raincloud irises looked dubious, she hurled it at him. He caught it between two fingers and hurled it back without skipping a beat. She didn't even have time to squeal before it struck the sleeve of her shirt. Glaring at Sasuke, she picked up a shuriken and threw it at him.

He caught it with his finger in the hole and spun it around before throwing it back to her. She reached out foolishly to grab it and flinched as it nicked her palm.

"Baaaaaakaaaaaa," she scolded herself.

"You're right," he agreed, "You are a baka. You don't try to stop a shuriken, you let it continue in its natural path and stick your finger in the middle. Now, we try again. Throw."

The greenette obliged, and the black haired boy flicked it back. She stuck her finger out, and the weapon took the digit clean ff. She gasped sharply, more out of surprise than pain, but her face scrunched up waiting for the agony. Sasuke cursed, retrieved her finger, and attached it with a simple healing jutsu.

Hiroku wiggled the digit experimentally and gazed reprovingly at him.

"Okay that was my mistake. Let's stick to the taijutsu."

He turned his back on her and walked a few yard before turning back. "Okay now…what are you doing?" he asked, displeased. Was she re-braiding her hair?

"I have an idea," she called out to him. Standing up, the girl ran. His sharingan activated instinctively: she was going to try a spinning moon kick.

He stepped to the side casually, but something hard and cold connected to the side of his face, and he felt pain blossom there.

"What the—" she'd attached a bunch of the sling stones to the end of her braid with her ribbon, the appendage being expertly maneuvered by her. he was stuck twice again…his sharingan saw her sad kicks but missed her hair. Of course—hair was dead material, it had no chakra.

"I may be dreadful at taijustu and men's arts," she panted, "But any lady worth her salt knows what movements of her body will make her hair dance!"  
Sasuke made a mistake. He crossed into the training/battle mode he used with Orochimaru, forgetting that this girl was not a threat in any way. He'd already analyzed her moved—when she tried her next attack, a dagger appeared in his hand and he slashed, kicking her in the stomach.

She flew back, landing in a puddle he hastily conjured with a suiton jutsu to soften her landing. But that was a bigger mistake—the puddle was more like a pool of mud.

Hiroku looked down at herself, more particularly, at the muck clawing its way into her hair, smooth and shiny as silk. The braid, that long snake like braid that ended at her calves was slashed to her waist…slashed by a dagger, unevenly, as her braid unraveled it became apparent.

"Oh. Sorry."

Hiroku looked up, and Sasuke froze. There was something in those eyes, something much more intimidating than his sharingan. Something he'd only seen once before, in the eyes of a pink haired kunoichi as a blond boy kissed a raven haired one. It was…breath taking. Her eyes, normally the soft, giggling color of the underbelly of thunder clouds were now cold and unforgiving as impure marble.

She rose, her eyes still foreboding.

"Sasuke-kun, with me, there are only three rules concerning my body. Fear the braid. Respect the braid. Never underestimate the braid. Within two minutes, you broke all three rules. You were initially unable to defend yourself against my braid. You touched it without my permission in a decidedly unromantic manner. But worst…you cut my braid. You did not respect it. Unforgivable, Sasuke-kun. I'd rather you have chopped off all my limbs—can you find all my hair and reattach it? Can you get the mud out without causing split ends and other horrific damage? Sasuke-kun…I will remember this. And when I seek my revenge, all the chidori in the world won't be enough to save you from my wrath."

She walked calmly back indoors, leaving behind a very disturbed Uchiha.

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

**Don't get too excited people…her bark's a lot worse than her bite. **


	4. Chapter 4

The Ultimate Filler

**The Ultimate Filler**

**Disclaimer: Ahhhh, I don't own Naruto, so gimme back my Dei-chan plushie!!**

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

Orochimaru frowned as his instrument whirred noisily, then backed away quickly as it exploded. He glanced up to see Hiroku paused behind the instrument, a surprised look on her face.

He opened his mouth, and then thought better of it. Telling off Hiroku for doing something stupid was like telling off a blind person for bumping into you…it was _**your**_ fault.

"Did you poke it?" he asked.

"I didn't think it would explode," she said guiltily, looking past him, "Who's that?"

"Suigetsu, Hiroku, Hiroku, Suigetsu, charmed to introduce you," Orochimaru provided as he crouched to retrieve his instrument's remains.

"Oh," she nodded, "Nice to meet you. Did you know you were naked?"

"Did you know you're an ugly bitch?" he inquired, sneering.

Hiroku frowned. "Am not!"

He made a rude gesture, and she turned to the Sannin. "Oro-chan, this one's **rude**. I liked the Juugo boy better, he was nice."

"Yeah, Juugo's a real sweetheart, when he's not trying to kill you and stuff," Suigetsu's voice dripped sarcasm.

"Suigetsu, shut up before I evaporate you," Orochimaru said, "Hiroku, leave him alone and get out of here. Oh, and send Kabuto here. Tell him to bring Karin's urine samples."

As Hiroku nodded and left, Suigetsu blanched and shrieked, "Karin's WHAT? Why do you need…what do you…oh. OH. NO. FUCKING. WAY."

There was a scream, and then silence.

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Hiroku snuck through the quiet halls, her feet socked snugly so that they wouldn't make any noise. It had been a week and some days since the Sasuke-kun braid incident, and Hiroku was ready for her revenge.

She paused outside his room, pressing her ear against the door. He was asleep. Good. She glided in, quiet as a shadow, willing every cell in her body intangible. She checked her pockets for her tools. They were there.

The blade glinted dimly in the darkness as a smug sneer crawled into place.

Uchiha Sasuke was about to wake up to a nasty surprise.

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The teen awoke the next morning and went through his morning routine without incident. Then, he drew his chakra sword and opened his closet…

And gaped.

Every single one of his shirts had been _**mutilated**_. The neckline, previously a few inches below his collar bone, now plunged to the navel. They'd been dyed a hideous, fluffy sort of pink, the kind of hue that little girls squealed over. And right across the heart was stitched the slogan "Sex Toy".

Sasuke's eyes narrowed.

"Inoue Hiroku, you have gone too far."

"She has not gone too far," Orochimaru placated the bare-chested boy as Kabuto observed the damage, "In fact, this was a remarkably mild retribution. When I pulled a hair prank on Tsunade-hime, she beat me to an inch of my life. Females are very weird about their hair."

"That's not specific to females," Kabuto reminded him, "Orochimaru-sama, remember that Hidden Mist platoon that got you hair bloody? You dealt with them so severely even I couldn't have analyzed their remains."

"I remember," the Sannin chuckled, an evil glint in his eye, "Sasuke-kun she must really like you, or must really be quite useless."

"Or she just couldn't think of anything else," Hiroku offered, stepping into the room. Sasuke narrowed his eyes dangerously at her, crossing his arms. "You bitch."

"If you would rather go bare instead of using your shirts in protest, go ahead," Orochimaru said, "But don't expect me to go easy on you back during training."

"And I won't be replacing these," Kabuto added, "The pink will eventually wear out, and I believe you can unstitch the sex toy thing."

Sasuke scowled deeply at Hiroku's smug face. "I told you, didn't I? Not all the chidori in the world can save you," she laughed sinisterly, leaving.

"That girl may yet grow to be delightfully wicked," Kabuto observed.

"Yeah right," Sasuke snarled, "She has no chakra. You can't be a shinobi without chakra."

"You don't have to be a shinobi to be wicked, Sasuke-kun," Orochimaru said quietly, his eyes unfocussed, thinking. "You boys keep yourself busy, I've just thought of something," he said, slipping out of the room.

Sasuke and Kabuto glanced at each other and sighed exasperatedly.

Masters.

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"Okay Hiroku," Sasuke said, "You know enough taijutsu for Kabuto to begin teaching you genjutsu."

"I thought I didn't have any chakra though, how can I perform genjutsu?"

"You have low chakra levels," Kabuto corrected her, "So your genjutsu won't be strong and it will drain you quicker…but as long as you grab the chance to escape, you'll be okay."

So Hiroku's genjutsu training began.

Kabuto taught her basic illusion jutsu, like bunshin no jutsu, first. He taught her diversionary tactics, and how to use sound and smell to confuse enemies with heightened senses.

"Kabuto-sannnnn," she panted, "I'm so tired…"

"Finish this and you can rest," her tutor maintained stubbornly, "What good is learning diversionary tactics if you can't use them?"  
"I can use them!" she whined, "But don't you think its too mean to put me in a thorn cage after making me use up nearly all my chakra and then expecting me to escape?"

"Do you think that the enemy will be nice enough to keep you well fed and rested once you're caught?" he shot back, "You have to distract my clone and escape. No arguments."

She shifted in the cage, wincing as he thorns dug deeper into her feet and skin. Her eyes were tearing from the pain, and the stress. But a light bulb came on under all that lovely green hair, and she smiled sweetly.

Then she began to strip.

"Yoohoo!" she called, "Clone-san! Look, I'm taking off my shirt now!"

Kabuto's bunshin's eyes widened in horror as her bare breasts came into view, and she began to work on her pants. "It's really too uncomfortable with clothes," she laughed, bravely ignoring the blood from her wounds. Her eyes glazed over and she stretched out an arm as if to stop herself falling. Kabuto hastily had his clone dismantle the cage and catch her as she fell.

"Are you—urgh!" the clone vanished in a poof of smoke as she stabbed him (it?) with a knife. Grabbing her clothes, she stood up and struck a pose so ridiculous Kabuto couldn't help but laugh.

"That's cheating!" he protested. She grinned at him. "I never told Kabuto-san to let me go, did I? It is _**not**_ cheating. Now I will take a nice, long, hot bath and wash away all this sweat and muck." She wrinkled her nose as though the words tainted her tongue with the taste of the substance.

"Maybe I'll join you in the bath," Orochimaru said, stepping out of the shadows. She scoffed as he wrapped an arm around her waist.

"Oro-chan, don't be silly. A bath is only erotic when the people taking it are already clean. I do not need you watching as I scrub under my arms, thank you."

Orochimaru laughed. "Kabuto looks clean. Will you join me in a bath, little master?" he laughed louder as the boy genius blushed and fled.

Hiroku sighed. "Oro-chan will you carry me to my rooms?"

Orochimaru lifted an eyebrow. "Why would I do such a thing?" he said, stalking away.

Hiroku threw herself at him, arms entwining his neck tight enough to be uncomfortable, not painful.

"What on earth!" he exclaimed.

"Please Oro-chan please, please I'm so tired and I just used the last of my chakra please, please, please!"  
"All right!" he groaned, "Get off!"

She beamed at him, not turning the wattage down until his resentful, smoldering glare gave way to a reluctant grin. "Hop on," he said, turning. She squealed and clambered onto his back, and he placed his hands on her rump, hauling her up higher.

Sasuke froze when he saw them come in.

"What the _**hell**_?"

Orochimaru treated him to a Cheshire cat grin. "Shhh, I think she's asleep. Check."

"No! You and Kabuto spoil her far too much as it is. Piggyback rides…hah! What next? Paint the place pink because its her favorite color?"

"Actually, Sasuke-kun," Hiroku mumbled form the Sannin's back, "My favorite color is orange, and that's the color I'll paint your room if you won't shut up. A nice bright, _**neon**_ orange. Sounds nice, no?"  
Sasuke stuck out his tongue at her and stomped away. Orochimaru bounced her a bit. "Hey, don't bait him so much."

"I can't help it, he looks so molestable when he's angry," she murmured, "Besides, someone needs to remind him that he's a child. You and Kabuto-san treat him far too much like an adult."

He dropped her into a pool of waiting hot water in her room, shucking off his robes neatly to avoid the resulting splash. He slid in next to her, despite her half hearted protests.

"You're finding faults too, darling?" he purred before taking her into him.

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"And then," Kabuto chortled, "She stripped to get away!"

Sasuke had a thoughtful look in his eyes. "Maybe you should teach her Oiroke no Jutsu," he suggested.

The medic scoffed. "A pervert ninjutsu?"

"A diversionary tactic," Sasuke corrected him, "And very efficient. Stripping and crying worked with you, imagine what she could do if she could transform into anyone! I know a boy who combined kage bunshin and Oiroke to take out a high class jounin."

"Uzumaki Naruto," Kabuto smiled knowingly. Sasuke nodded.

"Very well then," he said, "If you insist, I shall teach her."

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.**

**Heh, I'm watching the episode of Friends where Brad Pitt hates Jennifer Aniston. Man alive, that guy has wonderful hair. But who here thinks Matt LeBlanc and Johnny Depp are both hotter than him?**


	5. Chapter 5

The Ultimate Filler

**The Ultimate Filler **

**Disclaimer: Don't own Naruto!**

**Chapter Five!!**

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

"A _**week**_?" Hiroku whined, "You're leaving me all alone for a _**week**_?!"  
"Relax," Orochimaru said lightly, "It's a sign that that we're beginning to trust you. Besides, you can have your pick from the submissive test subjects to play with…Juugo, Suigetsu, Karin and the others."

"Not Juugo though," Kabuto butted in, glancing disapprovingly at his master, "You're not strong enough to repress his attacks."

"Remember," Sasuke warned her, "I've set you homework. _**Train**_. When I come back you should be able to spar with me for at least twenty minutes."

"And when I come back," Kabuto smiled "I'll bring back something for you." He waved, hugged her awkwardly and joined Sasuke at the door. Orochimaru leaned into her. "Take care. Don't trust the test subjects, and don't take off any of their restraints. When I come back, I won't bring back souvenirs like Kabuto promised, but I promise we'll spend a day out together, all of us, outside. How's that sound?"

She slid her arms around him and buried her nose in his neck. He shivered as her breath tickled his skin.  
"That sounds perfect."

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Hiroku was bored.

Really, really mind-numbingly, I'd-like-to-slit-my-wrist-to-see-what-happens, am-I-in-a-coma-yet _**bored**_.

"How long has it been since they left?" she muttered to herself, lying on her divan in a dull stupor, "A month? A year?"

She glanced at the calendar, winced, and looked to the clock.

"Two hours, forty five minutes and counting," she sighed, "I'm going to die. They're going to come back in a week and the mice will be eating my bones. Unless of course the snakes eat the mice. Then the ants will carry bits of my bones away to their nest…wait don't snakes take over ant colonies? Or is that termites? Urgh, this is so…ugh!"

She fell silent again, dreaming her dreams.

"It's gotta be morning now, right?" she asked the ceiling hopefully. Bracing herself, she glanced at the clock.

"Or dinnertime…"

She willed herself up to her feet and wandered into the kitchen, hating the way her footsteps echoed in the hall, hating that she was all alone, hating that Orochimaru wasn't in his lab torturing someone, that Sasuke wasn't around to be needled by her or put her down, that Kabuto's sweet smile was no where to be found.

"I hope they all choke on their own tongues and _**die**_," she mumbled to the stove, setting some water to boil, "Ugh, no I don't then I'd really be alone…"

She glared dolefully at her surroundings. "This is _**awful**_," she burst out "I'm talking and no one's listening!"

"I don't think that's 'cause you're alone," Suigetsu said. She shrieked and turned and slapped the boy and his head splashed off.

He blinked as his features rearranged themselves. "What the hell was that for?"

Hiroku clutched a blade in her hand, gasping. "You _**scared**_ me! What are you doing free, anyway!?"

"Orochimaru arranged it so that I could wander around the place," he said in a bored way, "And as I was saying, I don't think anyone listens to you talk even when you're not alone."

"You did," Hiroku pointed out.

"Ah. Well…I'm special," he nodded, slurping at a straw in a glass of water.

"So I'm not alone!" Hiroku said brightly, pulling Suigetsu into a hug, "I'm not going to die!"

He pulled away from her with a scowl. "Do that again and maybe you will."

"Don't be stupid, Oro-chan told me about the restraints, you can't hurt me, you have to obey me."

"But I have my pride," he warned, "I'd rather _**die**_ than do certain things—for example, all the pain in the world won't persuade me to _**ever**_ give you a piggy back ride."

"We'll see," Hiroku hummed happily, pouring more water in the pot to make stew for two.

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They hit it off, of course. They hit it off very well—it was unavoidable. They both loved to talk. He was drawn to her airy mannerisms, her bubble headedness, and she was drawn to his lightheartedness, his cute quirks, and his laughter.

Inevitably, they became friends.

"So you're saying your water was used against you by Sasuke-kun?"

Suigetsu winced at the memory of the defeat, nodding. "Chidori Nagashi. Electrocuted me using my own jutsu as a medium. I won't ever live that down."

"He's a clever little prat, isn't he?" she smiled fondly memories of the childish Uchiha with the scarlet eyes invading her head, invariably followed by thoughts of Orochimaru and Kabuto.

"Meh," the water lover said noncommittally.

"We should ask Karin-chan to come here," Hiroku said suddenly heading for the lab to summon the kunoichi.

Suigetsu grinned. This would be fun, he loved arguing with Karin.

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"Stupid bitch!"

"Asshole!"

"Pig!"

"Kappa!"

"Slut!"

"Sasuke-molester!"

"Oh, look who's talking," the boy scoffed, "The Sasuke-stalker! I _**know **_what you did to him that night…what you _**tried**_ to do anyway…"

"Shut up!" Karin shrieked, her cheeks trying to pale with fear and redden with embarrassment at the same time.

Hiroku raised an eyebrow. "You and Sasuke-kun…?"

"She wishes," Suigetsu snorted, "She got him really drunk once, and got as far as undressing him before Orochimaru caught her. Needless to say, he wasn't pleased to find his fuck toy being fucked with."

"Hey!" the greenette protested, "If there's a fuck toy around here its me!"

Karin chuckled at her shamelessness, and Suigetsu rolled his eyes.

"Shall I tell you about what Suigetsu tried to do to Sasuke?" the girl chortled. The water nin narrowed his eyes at her.

"Karin—"

"He cornered him…"

"Bitch—"

"Seduced him…"

"I'm warning you!"

"Sasuke played along…"

"Shut up NOW!"

"Then Sasuke electrocuted the bejeezus outta him!"

Hiroku's eyes widened. "That was the Chidori Nagashi incident? You told me it happened in a fight!"

"As though Orochimaru-sama would allow such filth to fight his new body," Karin dismissed, "Nope, our Suigetsu craves Sasuke just as much as I do."

"So is there anyone around here that _**hasn't**_ tried to molest Sasuke-kun?"

"Kabuto, Juugo…I don't think Orochimaru ever tried, but then Sasuke warned him that he'd kill himself if he did," Suigetsu counted off.

Hiroku fell back onto her divan with a sigh. "I should try it when he gets back," she laughed wistfully.

Karin grinned. "You'll have a better chance than Suigetsu, I bet."

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

**Another chapter! Huzzah!**


	6. Chapter 6

The Ultimate Filler

**The Ultimate Filler **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, but I own Hiroku! Now will you be my fan? **

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Suigetsu and Karin woke to Hiroku's jubilant scream of delight.

"Today's the day! They're coming back, they're coming back they're coming back they're coming back…!"

The water ninja sighed dejectedly and fell back onto his futon. "Back to that damn prison for me, then?"

Karin watched the green haired girl prance around. "I'm actually going to miss this," she said, surprised at herself, and then shot him a guilt-laden look. "Not _**you**_, of course."

"Of course not," he winked cheekily at her, "I can't stand you or the hyperactive little huggling whore."

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"I'm going to take a quick trip into the village," Hiroku announced, "I want to get them bread from the bakery—" ("Where else would you get bread from, idiot," Suigetsu muttered) "—Something savory, something sweet, something sour."

"All in one?" the boy asked, horrified. Karin shoved him. "Different breads, obviously, you dumbass."

"It's too dangerous," he proclaimed, "Lemme come with you."

"The restraints?"

"Take 'em off, I've got no reason to kill you."

"You have plenty of reason to escape," Hiroku pointed out, "And Oro-chan would kill me for that, sex toy or not."

Karin gazed at the girl with a sympathetic air. "It must be very unfulfilling, huh, catering to and living with those three? I can't imagine what it's like to be a toy…"

"Are you off your goddamned rocker? I get to have no strings attached sex with three hot men (okay, two at the time but I'm hoping the third will jump on the bandwagon soon) on a regular basis!" Hiroku laughed. Karin rolled her eyes. "I heard you nearly got raped on your last visit to the village," she informed the girl.

"I'm stronger now," Hiroku insisted, "It'll take more than a couple of perverts with kitchen knives to take me down."

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"Do come again, ojou-san!" the shop boy grinned lecherously at her. She shuddered as she backed out of the bakery, not trusting him enough to turn her back. _**Men**_. They saw a single woman and thought it their divine duty to brush up to and lean against and flirt with shamelessly.

"I think he has a hideout nearby, that's what Leader-sama—ah."

"Oh! Excuse me," Hiroku murmured, having bumped into someone. She turned to flash them a charming smile, but stopped short.

Terror.

Terror like nothing she'd ever experienced before. A wave—a veritable flood of crushing hopelessness, a scream being born in her throat, the desperate need to die to spare herself this torment, the simultaneous desire to run to save her life.

Red.

Never had a color been more gut-wrenchingly fearsome as it was in his eyes. Those black kaleidoscope markings were merciless, as cold and distant as the dark side of the moon, as apathetic as the devil. Then she was sucked into a world of pain, where chains, icy and cruel as his eyes wrapped themselves around her limbs and pulled her, quartered her.

"Itachi-san, really, the kaleidoscope sharingan on such a useless piece of shit?"

Despite the spell breaking, Hiroku's nightmare only worsened. Instead of the classy murderous intent of the pale young man, she was confronted by the brutal raw instinct to kill as she gazed into his partner's wicked eyes.

She was utterly, completely convinced. She was going to die. None of the meager ninja arts taught to her by her erstwhile instructors would save her skin—she…was…dead.

"Don't let her escape, Kisame. She's a possession of Orochimaru and will provide valuable information," Itachi said, turning to the bakery's shop boy, "You. Out. Now."

Blubbering incoherently, the adolescent obeyed.

Kisame hefted his sword, and Hiroku sunk to the floor, unable to look away. "Don't underestimate me so much, Itachi-san. There's no problem if I'm cocky now, I've got good reason," he smirked.

"S-Sasuke-kun…"

The older Uchiha glanced her way as Kisame paused. Her dulled eyes were on him, hovering uncertainly a foot to the left of his chest, unwilling to meet his gaze.

"I am not my brother," he said softly, dangerously. "Kisame. Break her legs. I will gather food, then we will deliver her to Sir Leader."

"'S all right with me," the shark man grinned, hauling her upright.

"Y-you're his b-b-brother," Hiroku gasped, her breath coming out in short, desperate puffs of air, "Y-you're…his…haa…and K-Kisame would be…S-Suigetsu's aim…"

"She's blathering," Kisame said disdainfully, shattering her knee cap.

She shrieked, the pain jerking her out of her terror induced haze. "HELP!"

"Shut her up," Itachi requested. Screaming victims made him uncomfortable.

"Ossou," Kisame said, muffling her. He broke her other leg at the ankle and she groaned weakly into his palm, her tongue coming out to lick her lips and consequently his skin.

He removed his hand in disgust, and she took the chance to yell, "Oiroke: Harem no Jutsu!"

Itachi blinked. "What the hell," he hissed as he watched his naked brother be humped by his blue skinned partner. He whirled around to find Kisame transfixed as a few clothes-less women rubbed themselves against him.

"Kisame!"

The shark man snapped out of it. "That _**wench**_," he growled, "She can't have gotten far, come Itachi-san!"

The Uchiha cast a careful if somewhat scandalized eye over the bakery, then followed the ex Hidden Mist nin. He could've looked closer but he did _**not **_need the images of his little sibling moaning and gyrating against Kisame, both naked as skylarks.

Had he looked closer, he would've seen an orange kimono and a lime green obi, sans the body that would normally occupy them.

Hiroku collapsed, exhausted, pushing away from a particularly horny KisaSasu pair. One of her ankle bones was protruding out of her skin like some gross, displaced hernia, and her knee was red and shiny and swelling to the size of a melon. She could hardly believe her luck, but she knew it wouldn't last. Hiroku had her opportunity. Hiroku had to act on it.

There was no way she would make it back to the hideout with her legs as they were—which meant she had to hide in the village. Hiroku gulped. The chances that they would search here were far too high for her likely, but maybe they wouldn't bother with such small fry. The greenette made her excruciating way to the stairs, using her hands to drag herself up. A little more, yes, good…a little more, just a bit, there was a door at the top if she could just open it…

Oh _**hellafuck**_.

Someone hated her, really, didn't they? There could be no other explanation. The lecherous (now petrified) shop boy stared at her naked form. She stared back, wondering what to do. She managed to close the door and decided to just pass out and hope the boy would let her stay. Maybe she'd be killed in her sleep. That'd be nice…anything, really was better than the prospect of facing the two terrifying Akatsuki men.

But….there was a part of her that thought, 'no, not anything. Death is not good…not yet. I want to live…I want to see…them. I want to see their faces, and hold them, and kiss them…wouldn't mind sleeping with them either.'

The shop boy had to wonder what could make an injured, naked, probably molested, utterly worn out woman smile so widely, even as she lost consciousness.

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Hiroku was awake.

She wanted to deny it. Because damn it, it sucked. It was all too quiet for her liking. And she was in pain. She couldn't tell if she was naked or not, and her hands were too lazy to touch herself and check. She was hungry, and she was tired.

She could keep complaining for a long time. She decided to stop.

A crash. A voice, cracking with relief—"I found her!" Warm hands, bundling her up in soft clothes (so she had been naked). Murmured words reached her ear, and her eyes fluttered open to look into red irises. She whimpered and shut them tightly again, burying her head into his still faintly pink shirt.

Terror…

"Hiroku…?"

No. Not terror. Relief. Joy. Tears? Yes, of happiness. Embarrassment—how could she have confused him with his brother?

"Sasuke-kun!"

Kabuto watched until she nearly strangled him to death with her embrace, and then pulled her to him. "No lasting damage then," he tried to sound nonchalant, but the sight of her so weak and frightened took away his breath.

Sasuke wrestled her back, whispered into her hair over and over again, "Idiot. Idiot. Idiot," as Kabuto checked her injuries. A couple of broken bones (he noted that they'd been clumsily tended to by someone) that he healed quickly.

"Your brother and Kisame are…are…"

"We know," Kabuto said, horrified at the painful lump in his throat, "They attacked us the day we got back. We managed to escape—Orochimaru-sama is at the new hideout. Suigetsu and Karin told us where you went."

"I'm sorry."

"It's our fault for staying in one place for so long," Sasuke hugged her tighter.

"How long ago—" Hiroku began to ask.

"Why are you naked?" Kabuto questioned.

"Two days," Sasuke answered.

"Uh…"

The shop boy entered his apartment. "Ojou-san I brought you bread," he sang out, and then noticed his unwanted guests.

"You tried to heal her wounds, you washed her, fed her, but you kept her naked?" Kabuto demanded, anger edging into his voice. Sasuke handed the greenette over to the silver haired medic and punched the shop boy.

"Hey," Hiroku objected, "He at least took care of me!"

"Did you rape her?" Sasuke spat, towering over the cowering male. He shook his head. "Was she unconscious all this time?" Kabuto hissed.

"Yeah…I gave her sake…"

Hiroku wrinkled her nose in distaste. "Please, please tell me you didn't get off in here."

He blushed. Sasuke snapped. Kabuto growled in approval as the Uchiha knocked his lights out.

"Should've lied, the idiot," Hiroku sighed, "Now, boys, can we please get me dressed?"

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Orochimaru didn't _**seem**_ affected by her rescue, but Hiroku was fairly sure that he would visit her that night to show her precisely how glad he was to see her home.

She wasn't disappointed.

Her eyes snapped open as soon as he entered the room, and he raised an eyebrow. "Lying awake, waiting for me?" he murmured, brushing a finger against her lips. Hiroku smiled, and crushed herself against him, as though trying to meld their bodies together.

"I…was…so…scared," she whispered to him. Orochimaru hugged her back, skillfully undressing her as he did so.

"You're safe now," he told her, "And I'll be damned if I ever let you out of the hide out again. Hell, I don't think I'll let you out my sight again."

She moaned as his slender fingers slipped into her mouth, an invitation for her to suckle on them. "You already did, I didn't see you the whole day—"

"Hiroku," the Sannin whispered, pushing her against the wall, "Shut up."

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**


	7. Chapter 7

The Ultimate Filler

**The Ultimate Filler**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto!**

**Heh, you notice like the first six or so paragraphs all start with s? It's the little things that make my day interesting.**

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Sasuke sought Hiroku out a few days later, after breakfast, when Orochimaru and Kabuto had left to train.

She was in her quarters, sitting on the floor, leaning against the bed, legs stretched out, sleeping.

Snoring.

Sasuke was a little alarmed at the sudden rush of affection he felt for the girl. He walked over to her, unsure of what he meant to do until he actually did it. Covering her eyes with his hands, his pressed his lips to hers.

"Sasuke-kun?" she said immediately, awakening.

"How…?" he asked, sitting back.

"Your touch."

"Yeah," he said scornfully, "Because you can really tell who I am by my touch."

Hiroku smiled at him. "Sasuke-kunnnn, you are so small minded! Of course I can tell the difference, I've only been touched by Oro-chan or Kabuto-san since I've arrived! Your touch is different from theirs."

Sasuke was curious despite himself. "Go on, enlighten me, how do we feel different?"

She tapped her chin, closing her booger colored eyes to think over it. "Um…when Oro-chan kisses me…its very sensual. All he thinks of is arousing me, and himself. Physical gratification, I believe the term is…? Ahm…Kabuto-san…is caring. Always thinking of me. He's tender, tentative. Oro-chan takes charge, he knows what he's doing. Kabuto-san takes his time."

The Uchiha cocked his head, basalt eyes twinkling mischievously. "And what about me?"

She grinned. "I've only just kissed you. Maybe if we tried it again?"

So he leaned in, and this time it was steamy and lazy. When they pulled away, both of them were breathing heavily.

"You…feel angry. Even though you try to be gentle…you are angry, and you intend to take your revenge," Hiroku decided.

Inky black met raincloud grey. Sasuke wanted more. Hiroku was willing to give. He crawled into her lap, almost like a child.

"Hiroku…"

A satisfied, smug little smirk wedged itself onto her lips. It was a very Sasuke-esque thing to do, and was not all unbecoming on her, irksome though it was.

"What?" he questioned a little irately.

The smirk widened. "I'm going to deflower you," the greenette stated matter-of-factly. Sasuke reddened.

"If you're going to be such a pig about it, maybe you won't after all," he snapped.

She pinned him down unexpectedly, suddenly, laughter in her eyes and voice. "I'm going to have you Sasuke-kun, and there's nothing you will do about it," she gloated before claiming him for herself.

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"Oro-chan!"

The Sannin frowned at her, and turned back to the blond man he was experimenting on. Hiroku bounced on the balls of her feet, waiting. She wasn't stupid enough to interrupt him. Many screams and a nasty pus filled boil later, the man was sent back from whence he came, and Orochimaru turned to his maid.

"Yes?"

"You promised me a day out," she reminded him, "Kabuto-san and Sasuke-kun are waiting, and I've packed a picnic basket. You get to pick where we go."

Orochimaru entwined his fingers and knitted his eyebrows together, golden eyes narrowing. "I will keep my promise if the other two have."

"Kabuto-san brought back a comb for me," Hiroku said, taking out an ivory and lapis lazuli ornament out of her sleeve, "And I kept my promise to Sasuke-kun I can spar him for nearly twenty minutes now."

The sennin relented. "Very well. I know the perfect place to go."

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"Sempai-sama," Kabuto sighed contentedly, "You are a true genius."

Sasuke was loathe to admit it but he would. "This…is nice."

Orochimaru smiled happily, and Hiroku groaned, "It's so good to be on the receiving end of a massage again!"

They were at a beautiful, sunny, golden sanded beach, in a little cabana where some of the scientist-ninja's most devoted servants were feeding them fruit and having them sip at daiquiris and giving them the best full body massages ever. Hiroku's picnic box lay forgotten somewhere, abandoned in favor of the exotic delicacies of the resort hideout but no one seemed to mind, no even the cook herself.

"Ahhhh," Orochimaru hummed, "Why don't we do this more often?"

"Because normally we'd be too stressed and worrying about something," Kabuto yawned, "To really relax."

"Ever since Hiroku came along, relaxation hadn't been a problem," Sasuke laughed, nudging the girl. She giggled. "Sasuke-kun, you've really grown attached to me, haven't you?" she teased, loving his blush.

"Shut up, you're annoying," he mumbled.

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Orochimaru sunbathed, watching out of the corner of his eye as the three younger people frolicked in the surf.

"Orochimaru!" Sasuke called out, "Come join us you old dung bat, and stop trying to sunburn yourself!"

"I prefer to preserve my dignity," he replied tartly.

"Orochimaru-sama, you are lying on a beach in swimming trunks, and a teenager just called you a dung bat. I think your dignity is in tatters already," Kabuto joked.

Hiroku tackleglomped him. "Oro-channnnn," she wailed, "Come on its so much fun!"

The Legend pushed her away. "For the love of god, fine, you monster," he grumbled, letting her drag him to the winking sapphire waters.

Kabuto leapt onto him playfully, his weight carrying him down. Sasuke jumped the medic, and Hiroku joined the pile, and the sunk into the waves' embrace, a tangle of limbs and laughter.

"Lunch time!" Kabuto declared after a few minutes, poking Sasuke's stomach, "I heard that growl, sounds like someone's hungry."

The Uchiha grinned sheepishly. Hiroku detached herself from her men and began to lumber towards the cabana, calling over her shoulder, "Last one there's a sweaty egg!"

Three blobs blurred past her. She looked forward to see Sasuke, Kabuto and Orochimaru at the entrance to the beach shack, and shook her head.

"When am I going to learn to remember that you're ninjas?" she panted, entering the shade of the cabana.

Two men with identical smiles began to serve them food, and the Oro-chan clan tucked in.

"Hiroku," Orochimaru said, "I have news for you by the way."

"We're getting a dog!?" she shrieked excitedly.

"_**No**_," Kabuto said firmly, "I didn't tell him you wanted one."

She looked crestfallen, and Sasuke patted her back. "Cheer up Hiroku, we have Kabuto."

"Hey!"

"Ahem," Orochimaru coughed, "May I continue? Hiroku, that experiment you walked in on this morning, did you recall the curiousness of it?"

"Um," the greenette hemmed, "I do…?"

"His chakra levels," the Sannin prompted.

Hiroku frowned. "What about them?"

"They were decreasing! He has exceptionally high chakra potential, but I was able to transfer it to that container next to him!"

"What container?" Hiroku wondered aloud. Kabuto sucked in his breath sharply. "_**Transfer**_, Orochimaru-sama? Not harness?"

"Transfer," the Sannin confirmed.

Sasuke cottoned on quickly. "But…that's…impossible! If you actually could do it, you'd be…it'd be…nothing short of miraculous!!"

"Oh wow, isn't that so exciting? I could just piss myself," Hiroku quipped.

"And you stored it in a container?" Kabuto marveled, "How much was the damage?"

"Not a drop of chakra spilled," Orochimaru sneered proudly.

"But that's…" Sasuke stuttered, "That's…how?"

"What are we talking about? Wasn't this addressed to _**me**_ in the beginning??"

The three males turned to her, their eyes slightly glazed from the intellectual spirit of their conversation.

"Orochimaru-sama," Kabuto whispered, "Was able to take chakra from a person!"

"Oh my, really?! It's all so perfectly clear now!!"  
Sasuke snorted. "Hiroku, you know what chakra levels are, right? Every person is born with a certain potential for chakra, and that is one thing that no amount of training will ever change. But Orochimaru took the chakra—which is deeply entwined with a person's self, their physical and spiritual endoskeleton—and stored it, much like you do with blood. How long does it last, by the way?" he directed the question at his teacher.

"Only a few days," Orochimaru admitted, "But I'm putting the final touches to a preservative to keep it for weeks. Of course, the best thing to do is find a human container," he said with a meaningful look towards Hiroku.

Kabuto gasped. "Of course!"

"I'm lost again," Hiroku calmly said.

The medic ninja tutted impatiently. "If he can _**remove**_ chakra from one person, he can _**add**_ it to another! Suppose that person is you…?"

Gray eyes flashed with knowledge. "My chakra levels will increase!"

"Exactly," Sasuke grinned, "And it's perfect for you, because just like with blood, chakra can only be added if there is a loss—if you hold the capacity for more."

"Are there chakra types, like blood types?" Hiroku questioned, eager to be active in the discussion.

"Naturally," Orochimaru said, "The man today matches yours—you're both water types. When we go back I shall transfuse you with his chakra."

"Wait a minute," Hiroku protested, "He was screaming today. It looked like it hurt…badly."

"Obviously," Orochimaru scoffed, "I was forcibly extracting chakra from him, his body was resisting instinctively. It won't be a problem for _**you**_. You're accepting chakra. I will have to lay low all your body's defense systems, then the foreign chakra will naturally fuse with yours. The worst you may feel is a tickling sensation."

Kabuto squeezed her hand. "Orochimaru-sama is a genius. He will succeed, and then you'll probably be stronger than we are!"

"You'll have the potential, anyway," Sasuke added.

Hiroku smiled weakly at their enthusiasm. "Alright, but do you mind knocking me out for the whole thing? I really don't think I can handle the stress."

"Whatever you like," Orochimaru allowed, and she felt that much better, for whatever it was worth.

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

**Whoo hoo, exciting stuff for Hiroku! **

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**-sweatdrop- I can't believe I described her eyes as booger colored. **


	8. Chapter 8

The Ultimate Filler

**Disclaimer: Still don't own Naruto, un!**

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"Today, in the afternoon," Orochimaru told her. Hiroku gulped. "Right, I'll be ready."

"Don't worry," he rubbed her back, "It'll be fine. There's nothing that could go wrong with the transfer, I've taken so many extra precautions."

That gave her strength, and she left to make lunch.

"Onigiri?" Sasuke complained, poking at the rice balls with his chopsticks, "You promised me seafood!"

"Tonight, if I survive this experiment, I will cook a whole lobster for you," Hiroku assured him, tampering with her kimono sleeves nervously. Kabuto caught her wrist and seated her in his lap.

"Would you relax? Nothing will go wrong! You won't even be awake for the whole thing, so just…calm down. Alright?"

She took a deep breath and nodded. Standing up, she moved to the sink to wash the dishes, and said, "I just…don't want to die. I mean, okay, I know I won't, but…I don't know. I want to live. With you three. Forever. If you were with me, I'd endure eternity. You're my whole world now, you're my family!"

"Family you have sex with?" Sasuke grinned.

"Pretty much."

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"Sasuke-kun, what are you doing here?" Orochimaru asked the teenager as he stripped his maid.

He shrugged nonchalantly. "Moral support? Curiosity?"

"Comic relief?" Hiroku joked half-heartedly. Kabuto chuckled at the expression on the Uchiha's face. "Okay Hiroku, we're going to knock you out now…"  
"Like Sasuke-kun did to the shop boy?"

"With this pill," Orochimaru corrected, "I told you no pain, and I meant no pain. Not even an injection."

"I'm eternally in your debt," she murmured, swallowed the small black globule with a few gulps of water. Kabuto stroked her hair, watching as she slipped into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Sasuke stood well out of their way as the medic ninja and his master hustled about like busy fishwives. First, Kabuto hooked up Hiroku to a life support system. They all hoped she wouldn't need it, but one can never be too sure. Orochimaru pierced her jugular vein and injected an extremely weakened version of a virus that would rip apart her immune system, briefly making her susceptible to any antigen. Immediately, a glass coffin-like structure ensconced her: a super sterile environment, so that no foreign substance other than what they chose could get to her.

"Kabuto!"

Nodding, the medic pushed some commands into the main console. A small sliver of silver protruded from the glass, right above Hiroku's navel. It lightly grazed her stomach, and something like a gold combustion occurred where skin met metal. Orochimaru pulled a lever, applying his own chakra to control the flow, and blue-green swaths of chakra began streaming out of a tube through a plastic pipe, into Hiroku's chamber. It enveloped her body, and Sasuke had to wonder, "Is all chakra that color?"

"No," Kabuto said, watching the process keenly, "Water type only. The hue and shade depends on the person, but fire is generally reddish orange, lightning tends to be white-gold, and earth brown and shades of gray."

"What about air?"

"You never know until you see it, it varies from person to person," Orochimaru answered.

"What's that pointy sharp thing poking her navel?"

"It forces her chakra pores open so that the foreign chakra can settle. Now shut up," Kabuto scolded, "I need to keep my attention where it belongs, and it's not with you."

So Sasuke shut up.

About twenty minutes later, Orochimaru pulled the lever again, and they all watched the last of the water chakra dribble into the glass chamber and enter Hiroku.

"We'll keep her in there for another hour or two," Orochimaru said, "Until the virus' effects wear off."

"You don't have a drug that'll just make the immune system active again?" Sasuke frowned.

"Drugs aren't flavored candy, Sasuke-kun," Kabuto said waspishly, pushing his glasses to the bridge of his nose, "It's an extremely delicate process. Because Orochimaru-sama is a genius, we do have one, but if we administer it while the virus is still in effect it will only tear up her defenses more."

"I see…"

"You don't have to wait here," the silver haired lad said kindly, "We'll call you if it looks like she'll wake up."

The Uchiha hesitated, then nodded, walking to the kitchen, where if all went well, he'd feast on lobster tonight.

If all went well…

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"Sasuke?"

Basalt black eyes flew open. Damn, he'd drifted off! He stood. "Yes?"

"She's waking up," Kabuto informed him, and disappeared in a cloud of smoke. A clone…

Sasuke hurried to the lab. "That didn't feel like two hours," he remarked to no one in particular.

"It's been four. Looks like the virus is stronger than we accounted for," Orochimaru said lightly, "No need to worry, however, she'll be fine. Look!"

Her eyes opened slowly, lazily. She breathed in deeply, and exhaled, and then grinned as if pleased that she _**could**_ breathe.

"I'm alive!" Hiroku mouthed to them.

"Such faith she has in us, its touching, really," Orochimaru muttered as he released the chamber's clasps. The glass doors slid back smoothly, and Kabuto stepped forth to offer her a robe. Sasuke helped her sit up and get down. She leaned into him, breathless.

"I feel pretty weak," she admitted.

"Your body's been through a lot," the Sannin reminded her, "You'll obviously be tired. You should rest, and tomorrow you'll be fine. I can probably start training you with Sasuke."

Kabuto nudged Hiroku. "How's that sound? You'll be able to kick his ass soon!"

"Oh please, she'll have to work for all eternity before she can get anywhere near my ass," Sasuke scoffed.

Hiroku poked him. "There you go, under estimating me again! Oro-chan, is it okay if I _**do**_ kick his tushie?"

"Kick away," he laughed, "But _**tomorrow**_. Right now you need to rest, or your legs will give out."

"Piggyback?" Sasuke offered. She beamed at him. "Look how far you've come! From yelling at Oro-chan for giving me a ride and offering me one on your own initiative!"

He scowled as Kabuto helped her onto his back. "Well, it's good to know you haven't changed. Just the same old annoying bitch," he said, but there was smile tugging at his lips.

"Wait a minute," he sighed as they neared her room, "Damn, this means no lobster tonight! Hiroku, you've gotten out of it today, but tomorrow I want lobster, with lots of tomatoes! And that sauce you made last month, do you hear me…Hiroku?" he turned around, trying to catch a glimpse of her face. "Hiroku!"

He swung her off, taking her into his arms. Her skin was clammy, and her eyes were unfocussed. She'd fainted.

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	9. Chapter 9

The Ultimate Filler

**Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, and please don't tell Kishimoto I'm ruining his characters with my fics!  
A/N: du dut du! The last chapter!**

**Chapter Ten. **

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"There's no need to worry," Kabuto said, checking Hiroku's pulse, "She just has a slight infection. A pathogen must've gotten to her right before we put her in the sterile environment, or maybe it was already in her and the experiment triggered it. Either way, there's a medicine in the lab, I'll go get it. Sasuke…we need dinner."

"You want _**me**_ to make it?"

"Yes, because I'll be looking after Hiroku, and Orochimaru-sama…well he's Orochimaru-sama. He doesn't cook," the medic said in an uppity way. The Uchiha snorted but left for the kitchen regardless.

"Orochimaru-sama?" Kabuto asked, pausing at the door.

The Sannin had a disturbed air around him. "You go on, I'll join you in a minute."

The boy nodded and closed the door behind him. Orochimaru brushed a hand against Hiroku's cold cheek. Something was wrong here…

His eyes widened as realization struck. A vague trace of sadness appeared in the golden irises. "You poor thing," he murmured to his maid, "Don't worry. I'll fix it. I promise."

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"We have a problem," Orochimaru said over dinner. Kabuto and Sasuke looked up to him.

"It appears that while the chakra transfer went much better than we could have hoped for, there is a glitch. The virus has not exited her system, and the immunity booster is proving impotent."

Kabuto gasped. "That means…!"

"Immune deficiency," Sasuke breathed, "She can't fight."

"_**That's**_ why her body was clammy instead of feverish!" Kabuto whispered. The news hung over them like a guillotine's blade, itching to drop. Orochimaru cleared his throat. "I can invent something, of course. But it will take time. Until then, we ought to keep her in a sterilized room and watch her carefully."

"Will she d—"

Kabuto clapped a hand over Sasuke's mouth, his eyes wide and fearful. "Don't say it. Don't even think it. Orochimaru-sama will fix it."

Sasuke nodded, realizing that it was true. "Right. Orochimaru can fix it, only he can."

The Sannin felt unreasonably queasy. He rose from the table, muttering some nonsense as he left to make it look as though he'd been struck by an idea.

Sometimes, he hated their complete faith in him.

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Words hung in the air, unspoken, rotting by disuse and damp. Accusations, pleas. Concerns, worries, fears, all left unsaid lest they come true, rolled up in a ball of darkness and left to fester in the mind of their thinker.

_Hiroku was not well._

The infection passed, and no sooner did she open her eyes and smile feebly at them did they know something was wrong. Her eyes were bloodshot, her irises going black. Kabuto hastily diagnosed her with an advanced strain of pinkeye, particularly vicious. Medicine was sought and administered. She recovered, only to go down under the attack of chicken pox and some sort of virulent pathogen that caused large blotchy on her skin. Sasuke and Kabuto rarely left her bed side in her thoroughly sterilized room, and Orochimaru seldom was seen outside the lab, where he searched in vain for something that would give them back their dear companion.

_Hope._

When any of them dared to raise their voice, it was to speak of how a breath through was eminent, how she seemed be showing signs of putting up a fight, how the beautiful spring weather would make her feel better, how much they'd laugh over this when all was well again.

Lies. All lies, spoken in hope and hollow tones. Desperate hope that this girl, this girl that they suddenly found they could not imagine life without would not be taken away from them, that she would once again find the energy to hug them, that she would once again rise to walk the halls of the den, that they would be scolded and spoiled by her once more. Hope that the era of cordial camaraderie she'd unwittingly ushered in would not end in its zenith.

_Hiroku was dying._

None of them said the words. None of them were brave enough to. They had faced many dangers, they had battled many enemies, they had come out on top, but to admit that the indomitable sunshine cheer of her personality might be snuffed out took a kind of courage that none of them could even comprehend.

Besides, denial was a kind thing. It was heaven's apology for tragedy, a means to make up for reality, to run away for as long as you like, until you were ready to face the truth.

They made full use of it.

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"Kabuto-san?" Even her voice was pervaded by her illness.

"Yes, Hiroku?"

"Am I dying?"

"Don't be ridiculous!" he snapped, much sharper than he'd intended to. How dare _**she**_ say the words when all of their energy was going into not asking that question? He spooned more broth into her mouth, praying that she wouldn't say anymore.

"What happened to me, Kabuto-san?" There was a weary sort of fear in her tone, an amalgamation of anxiety ad apathy.

"You're ill. Orochimaru-sama will cure it."

Hiroku snorted softly, and reached out to pinch his cheek. The latest ailment she was suffering from was malaria. Even with an active immune system, millions succumbed to the disease. Could she fight it on merely drugs that the dark haired Sannin concocted?

"Kabuto-san. I want to cook," her lower lip trembled, and tears poured out of her eyes. "I want to wash the clothes. I want to clean. I want to take care of you. I want to live!"

He turned away from her. "You will," he managed to choke out, "You will. Now shut up. Please."

Hiroku fell mercifully silent, but drops of crystalline grief continued to leak from her eyes, and they both did their best to ignore them.

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Orochimaru watched her sleep, verging on despair. He would never admit it, but there was nothing he could do. He was to blame. He'd sought to help her, to make her strong, tried to make her existence more permanent, and he'd winded up ending it far before its time.

Wave after wave of guilt crashed over him, and he knelt at her bed.

"Oro-chan…" she mumbled in her sleep, tossing restlessly. His breath hitched, his heard pounded wildly, and he waited for her to speak again.

"Oro-chan, let's get a dog, please? Just…a small…one. You won't even know its there…"

A harsh laugh tore itself from him lips, and for the first time in decades, Orochimaru, Legendary Ninja, began to cry.

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"Sasuke."

The boy looked up at the silver haired medic. "What?"

Kabuto ran to him and threw his arms around the younger boy. "She's d-dying," he sobbed, and the Uchiha felt something rip inside himself, "Orochimaru-sama s-says…sh-she's…!"

"Kabuto, Sasuke-kun," the amber eyed man appeared in the doorway, "Spare her your tears. It's _**her**_ death, don't make it about yourselves. Come. Say good bye."

When they got to her room, she seemed almost healthy…appearances are deceiving. In her blood there were countless bacteria breeding, in her organs cells were distended like a soup gone bad. But her gray eyes still somehow found the will to sparkle, her lips found the energy to giggle. She forced herself into a sitting position as her hands reached out for theirs.

"I want a kiss," Hiroku said huskily, "If I'm not too far gone—if I'm not too gross. Sasuke-kun, you first, you look like a cat that's had his cream bowl stolen. Come here!"

He scooped her into him and their lips met. She tasted like sickness, but he didn't care, because under that was the warm, sweet clover taste of Hiroku. Under the stink of illness was _**her **_scent, the playful touch of water lilies and lemons, and the caress of her skin was as it always had been, wanton and knee-weakening.

The greenette pulled away from the sharingan user, and tousled his ebony hair. "Feeling better?" she smiled, "My little baby bear…my little Sasuke-kun. I have nothing to say to you, because what is there to say? I'm not old enough to give you my blessing, and not wise enough to give you advice."

Tears pooled in his eyes, but she caught them on her fingers before they could slide down his ivory cheek.

"I want my _**lobster**_," was all he could say, and she rubbed her nose against his.

"Don't hold it against me," she muttered, "Far from being someone to break a promise…when you die, I'll cook the biggest lobster in heaven for you, okay?"

He nodded weakly, and stepped back.

"Kabuto-san! Your turn!"

The med nin threw his arms around her, pressing her to his torso. "If I could keep you, I would always listen to you rant about your kimono, I'd learn to dry and comb your hair properly, what the hell, I'd paint your nails!"

She kissed him tenderly, cupping his face in both hands, swirling her tongue on his lips like _**that, **_so he'd open up and dominate, so he would ask her permission. He pushed his hands into the small of her back, trying to steal her back from everything that threatened to take her away. Hiroku began to cry, and so did he, and their tears mingled and fell on their lips, and the world was salt and sadness.

"You'd really paint my nails?" she murmured.

"Every day. And I'd let you braid my hair."

"Good grief," she laughed, "I should've taken advantage of this sooner!"

He nuzzled her neck ad she held him there for a while. "Kabuto-san, my lovely pansy," she sighed, "I'm going to miss you terribly."

"My turn," Orochimaru purred, pulling his assistant away from the girl, "Hiroku…"

"Oro-chan." She reached up for him, and he picked her up. The gray eyed female traced the contour of his eye, and his sallow cheek, leaning into him. "Remember?" she said softly, "That first night…you did the same for me."

The golden eyed Sannin captured her lips in his, thrusting in with his tongue, wanting to turn back time and make it so that the merest shadow of the thought of an experiment on Hiroku wouldn't even begin to contemplate the vaguest possibility of crossing his mind. He wanted to tear himself to bits, and as though sensing his distress, Hiroku wrenched away just enough to whisper, "Don't feel bad, Oro-chan. I love you all—I'm not mad. Really."

"I'm mad though. I'm mad at myself, and I'm mad about you," he breathed, "And I'm sorry. My pet, my Hiroku."

"Your Hiroku," she agreed, falling back onto the mattress. Gray eyes dulled a bit and fluttered close, and she said again, "Your Hiroku…forever." A small, proud smile graced her lips, and she slipped away from them once and for all.

"Inoue Hiroku…of the Oro-chan Clan. Haha…"

**x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x.x**

**Well, I did say it was a filler. Which means it might've happened. Which means Hiroku simply had to go…and I couldn't make her leave them, so I killed her. –muses over it- Ah well. Thank you, those who stuck with the story! Thank you, those who read, those who faved, those who put it on their alerts, etc. etc. –blows kisses- mwuah! **


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